I recently just found out, through facebook, that one of my friends is engaged to be married. While cruising through his wall noting all the congratulations, I thought to myself "shit I have to give a facebook congrats" instead of the public wall post I decided to send him one through a private message and follow up with a phone call which I did.

During this act of congratulating my friend on his engagement to a women, I started to think to myself why the fuck am I congratulating him, he hasn't climbed a tall building, he hasn't saved a dying cat, he hasn't drank a 1 gallon jug of milk in one sitting, he hasn't even done anything remotely close to anything that I consider congratulating in fact I would place going a full day without saying bitches higher up the congratulations pole than someone getting married, what do you think about that bitches?

Congratulations on your new job - thats right congratulations on switching to another job where u can waste your life away, where you can spend time with people that you work with not that you choose to be with, where you can sit in your fucking cubicle getting balder and fatter, where you can hate your boss, where you can wait for the end of the day so that you can drive home in rush hour, where... Next time one of my friends switch jobs, there is no way I am going to hand out a congratulations, instead my friend would have to quite his 9-5 and invent google before I give out another congratulations.




Congratulations on you new baby - thats right congratulations on finding your wifes thingy and mating it with your thingy and doing that enough times to get your wife pregnant, congratulations the human race has been doing this for centuries now but somehow your child is really a lot different and deserves a congratulations. The only congratulations that is going to come out of my mouth for a birth of a new baby is if one of my guy friends gives birth now that would deserve a congratufukalations!




Congratulations on your new house - thats right congratulations for hiring a Realtor, looking online and borrowing enough money to buy / rent your new home, way to go! What an accomplishment! Shit you would think it is difficult to buy a house or something, you know how many houses there are in North America alone? I do, and there is a lot! The only congratulations I would give to someone that buys a new house is if they built it themselves with mud and logs now that would deserve a congratulations.

Now I have only provided 3 examples but you can see where I am going with this, why have we as a society been trained to hand out these stupid meaningless congratulations? Is it a coincidence that all of these 3 congratulations all have to do with settling down and getting into debt? No and I will tell you why all 3 of the above makes us a better member of society, makes us a loyal citizen and basically puts us in coast mode until retirement.

Anyways, worthless congratulations just piss me off, I am going to retract that congratulations that I gave my friend and give it back to him 30 years from now if he is still married to the same girl, now that is worth a congratulations!

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