March 27, 2007

10 Minutes Of Making Out Is More Than Enough For Me.

I am 27, I am a man and 10 minutes of making out with any girl is more than enough for me!

I don’t care if you a stunner like Halle Berry or if you are packing heat like Vida Guerra,


Vida_Guerra.jpg

there is no girl that I am going to make out with you for more than 10 minutes without getting at least tops and/or bottoms off and that’s that.

Here are my thoughts that usually occur during the 10 minute make out session broken up into 2 minute chunks:

0-2 Min: It is either one of two things: “Damn this girl got nice lips and I like kissing her” or “Damn this girl can’t kiss worth a shit, better hurry up and get to them bottoms”.

2-4 Min: Again I am thinking either one of two things: “Damn this girl is a good kisser I wonder what the X is gonna be like?” or “Damn this girl is a bad kisser I wonder what the X is gonna be like?”.

4-6 Min: Same thing either one of two things: “Shit it has been like 5 minutes already and I am horny as hell” or “Holy mother-fuck it has been like 5 minutes already and I am horny as hell”.

6-8 Min: At this point I am thinking just one thing “What the fuck, we still kissing I am taking my shirt off”, yes my shirt usually comes off during the 6-8 min timeframe.

8-10 Min: One of two things: “Grab her hand, put it on my chest and make a move for her shirt” or “Grab her hand, put it on my ass and make a move for her shirt”.


If my shirt is off and she still fully clothed after 10-min one of 2 things is going to happen, either I take my pants off and good things happen or we stop making out, I take my pants off, she tells me to put them back on, I put my pants back on and then I throw in “White Chicks” either way I am happy because that chick is gonna go home or I gonna get some play.

So in conclusion there can be no debate, if we not sexing after the first 10-min I would rather masturbate... yaya chunk the deuce if ya heard me!

www.thebitterblog.com - 10-min Is More Than Enough -

Tags: Humor 10-min

www.thebitterblog.com - 10-min Is More Than Enough -

Tags: Humor 10-min

Posted by Bitter Guy at 05:20 AM | | Comments (7)

March 26, 2007

The Secret – What is this Secret everyone is talking about?

Have you watched “The Secret”? If not you better hurry and watch The Secret before it is not a Secret anymore! What is The Secret? Well it is a motivational video to help improve peoples lives.

I just watched “The Secret” hoping to enlighten myself and to replace some of this Bitter negativity that I have in my life with good and hope. Here are the main points I pulled away from “The Secret” just incase you do not have the $35 to purchase the DVD yourself:

The Secret To Money: “Visualize Your Goal” – this is not new, believe it or not, this idea comes from other books such as “Think and Grow Rich” and “Rich Dad Poor Dad” etc.. This idea has worked for me in the past but I feel sorry for the people that will full heartily try to apply this to their life and fail. Not all people can attain great amounts of wealth by visualizing it because some people are lazy and some people are dumb and some people are both lazy and dumb, I call them the majority of Americans. Not everyone can be smart, motivated and sexy like Joey, maybe only like 5% of the population, I mean come on Joey’s quality!

The Secret To Health: “Think Positive About Your Health” –again this is not new, it is proven that stress reduces risk of disease. But I can help but feel sorry for the little boy that lost his foot in an accident and wants to play in the NFL, hoping and thinking positive for his foot to grow back again one day, only to realize in his later teens that the only animals that grow back body parts are reptiles and all that time he spent visualizing his foot growing back was wasted and he should have been visualizing being a salamander instead.

The Secret To Relationships: “Visualize What You Want” – really, is that all people need to do? Let me tell you I work with and have met some very socially inept people that no matter how much visualization or how much hope they have, before they get rid of their wolf shirt and before they can reverse the last 25 years of their social solitude then they are going to have a difficult time making new relationships. Anyways, this does work for some, for instance when I broke up with JenJen I started visualizing the number of girls that I wanted to sleep with each month, I visualized 5 and I have been averaging around 6-10 since September thanks to Joey’s Secret!


Bottom-line The Secret was not new to me, but it will be new to some of you and recommend that even the dumb people give it a watch!

www.thebitterblog.com - The Secret Is Out -

Tags: Humor

www.thebitterblog.com - The Secret Is Out -

Tags: Humor

Posted by Bitter Guy at 01:32 AM | | Comments (1)

March 24, 2007

300 Would Have Been Better As Porn Instead Of An Action.

I watched 300 and I have to tell you that I was thoroughly disappointed and here is why:

210: There wasn’t 300 Spartans in the movie, I only counted 210, I mean come on if you only have 210 call it 210 not 300, false advertising does not impress anyone!

I was cold: My friends and I thought it would be a good idea to dress as Spartans for the movie, bad idea, movie theatres are cold when all you got on is a speedo, belt, red cape and baby oil, I mean come on why didn’t the Spartans have shirts?

Iran: I was extremely disappointed in how Iranians were portrayed in this movie, I mean come on, the leader of the Persian army was like over 7ft tall and some were even really muscular, come on! We all know most Persians are short and no Persians are muscular, the closest thing I have ever seen to a muscular Persian was a fat one!

300 The Porn: Whoever is the first to make 300 the Porn is going to make a lot of money, even gay porn, even with 200 Spartans, enough said.


All in all, 300 or should I say 210 was not all bad it did have it’s moments, like when the king told the freak Spartan that he hopes that the freak lives forever, that was awesome!

www.thebitterblog.com - 210 would have made a better porn -

Tags: Humor 210

I watched 300 and I have to tell you that I was thoroughly disappointed and here is why ...

Posted by Bitter Guy at 07:09 AM | | Comments (1)

March 16, 2007

My Biggest Fear.

My biggest fear isn’t dieing, it isn’t public speaking and it certainly isn’t growing old alone. My biggest fear is not being able to sex women anymore!

I mean come on! Let me run you down the list of the majority of Americans biggest fears and compare them against mine.

Dieing: Who cares about dieing? I mean really, come on! We all die sooner or later, so there is no sense fearing it while you are still living and fucking. I figure as long as you get to die fucking then you have lived a good life.

Public Speaking: Come on! Really, public speaking? Why the fuck do people fear public speaking? Are they scared they might stutter? Say something stupid, I mean I am fine with public speaking as long as I know I can call Rachel up and bang the shit out of her after, I really don’t give a shit, I will speak in front of whoever whenever as long as I know I can still fuck afterwards!

Growing Old Alone: As long as I can hump, I will never be alone. If I don’t find a wife, find that special someone, I will buy a dog to talk with but I will tell you what I won’t stop doing, I won’t stop fucking single young and/or old women. I mean come on!


So there you have it, my biggest fear is not being able to have sex with women while still living which in turn makes my biggest fear having my penis cut off, having a incredibly small penis, being ugly or incredibly fat or getting one of them big STD’s like HIV or Hep C.

Holla if ya heard me!

www.thebitterblog.com - As long as I can keep fucking I am happy -

Tags: Humor Women Dieing

www.thebitterblog.com - As long as I can keep fucking I am happy -

Tags: Humor Women Dieing

Posted by Bitter Guy at 07:57 AM | | Comments (1)

March 11, 2007

QuarterBlack

Before I begin this post I must state that Joey is not a racist! I mean Joey is a lot of things for example he is a slut, womanizer and does not believe in women's rights but he is not a racist!

I have been sexing this half-black girl now for about 4-months and yesterday it occurred to me after an extremely passionate round of hide my Johnson that if some of my boys were to ever slip by and impregnate this girl our kid would be quarterblack!

Now take a moment to appreciate this, imagine my kid in kindergarten introducing his or herself for the first time:

My kid - “hi my name is Franklin and I am quarterblack”

Teacher – “that is great Franklin, I am sure you are a great quarterback”

My kid – “not quarterback, I am part black”

Teacher – “you do not look black”

My kid – “I am quarterblack”

Teacher – “For Football?”


After this thought I made the decision that if I was to ever have quarterblack kids they would refer to themselves as part black and part white and not to get into the details. And I also made the decision to never let my quarterblack kids play Football.

www.thebitterblog.com - Used to play QuarterBlack in highschool -

Tags: Humor

www.thebitterblog.com - Used to play QuarterBlack in highschool -

Tags: Humor

Posted by Bitter Guy at 01:20 AM | | Comments (0)


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