This is why I’m hot:

I Got Jokes: Since JenJen, I have realized one thing, I got jokes and I wasted too many on her. My skills became apparent over martinis and Tapas with a new girl on our first outing, can’t remember what I said exactly, but I do remember I made the girl choke on one of my jokes. Now the choking was not that funny but the waiter saving her with the Heimlich and then her giving me a BJ in my car afterwards was. Damn, when you can make a chick choke on a Tapa with your joke and then choke on your chicken before you drop her off, then you know you hot and that’s why I’m hot!

I Love Being Single: People that hate being single are not hot, those that complain about being lonely are also not hot and people that are scared to leave a relationship are not hot….. Since JenJen I have not spent one day being lonely and this is why I’m hot.

I Love Jesus: Is what I tell them Evangelical women before I get them dirty dirty and worshiping my god (my penis). In all actuality Joey is an atheist but for sex I will believe in anything even creationism. This why I’m hot, don’t be jealous cause you not.

I love you Jesus!

Jesus Loves Me: How do I know? Cause he made me hot, just ask my Pecs mothafucka, bet your Pecs can’t dance like mine or if they can then Jesus Loves you too and you hot.

www.thebitterblog.com - Loves Baby Jesus -

Tags: This Is Why Im Hot Humor Hot Creationism Heimlich Evangelical

Tags: This Is Why Im Hot Humor Hot Creationism Heimlich Evangelical

Posted by Bitter Guy at 03:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Like most things I write about, I have given this a lot of thought: I want to be a fucking Caveman!

Now why, why would I want to be a caveman? Well I got lots of reasons and here they are…

Hunting & Fishing: Why in the hell do I go to work everyday for paper when I could just be hunting & fishing? I will tell you why, it is because I am not a fucking caveman!

All straight men & pitchers love to hunt & fish, it is what we were put on this earth to do, to be providers, to kill to live, but unfortunately, somewhere since the time of the caveman some fucker thought it would be in our best interest to work for paper instead of hunting & fishing all day. Now I don’t care if you have the best job in the world, you could be a pornstar, but a bad day of fishing beats the best day of pornstar fucking, just ask Ron Jeremy what he would rather be doing.

Give me a club, some wooly mammoth, a box of Doms and I would be happy.

No Doms:As a caveman I would be fucking like crazy without Doms, I would have my cavegirl who bares my cavekids, but at the same time I would have my cavegirls on the side because there would be no such thing as marriage, no such thing as STDs, no such thing as cheating and no such thing as regrets. All there would be is me cave-sexing as many cavegirls as possible without Doms, can I get a Ah-Ah!.

Ah-Ah: Imagine a language made up of only “Ah’s”.

“Fuck You” – “Ah-Ahh”,

“We Need To Talk” – “Ah-Ah-Ah-Ahh”,

“You don’t look fat, you are beautiful” – “Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ahhhhhh”

Never again would I have to talk to a girl about stuff, enter into mundane conversations about work or talk about my feelings, all I would have is my “Ah’s” and I would be loving them and my cave-gang!

My Cave-gang: As a caveman I would be able to hang out with my best friends all day hunting them saber tooth tigers and shitt, with the cavegirls at home cleaning the cave and taking care of the cavekids. Man, life would be great as a caveman.

Flatheaded: As a caveman my fuckin head would be flat and I could balance shitt on there forever! Enough said…

No matter how much I think about being a caveman, I just can’t see anything bad about it. I mean who cares if I only live until my 20’s as a caveman, the amount of free time I would have had and the number of cavewomen I would have sexed would have made it all worth while! Can I get a “Ah-Ah”?

www.thebitterblog.com - As a caveman, I could balance a soccer ball on my head forever! -

Tags: Caveman Humor Fucking Cavewomen Pornstar Cave

www.thebitterblog.com - As a caveman, I could balance a soccer ball on my head forever -

Tags: Caveman Humor Fucking Cavewomen Pornstar Cave

Posted by Bitter Guy at 03:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)