Male Bathroom Protocol.
People at work, people in the club and people at my gym all need to read this shit!
For some men, bathroom protocol is obvious, for others protocol does not exist, so for all y’all that don’t know how to act in public washrooms here is The Bitter Blogs Male Bathroom Protocol:
- No Talking During The Exit Of Bodily Fluids - Y’all pee talkers, I know y'all will find it hard to follow this one but this is a must. I don’t want to see your penis and I don’t want you looking at mine, I am not sure about you but when people talk to me I have a habit of looking at them, and with my peripherals I don’t even need to be looking at you to catch a glimpse of your pee-pee or to see you looking at mine, keep it straight ahead and get me at the sink!
- No Smacking – That’s right no smacking of any kind, that goes for no smacking me, others and yourself. If you see me at the urinal please refrain from smacking my shoulder to congratulate me on the presentation I just gave, it could cause me to lock up mid-stream and heaven forbid I get a urinary tract infection. Also there is never a need to smack yourself, so let’s keep our public washrooms smack free! A shake or 2 works just fine.
- Guard Your Package – If you at a urinal guard your shit, again it is with the peripherals, I do not got to be looking at you to catch a glimpse of your joe-joe. So if you at the urinal use the 2-handed hold, even if you don’t need it like Joey does, the 2-handed hold will enforce protection from others peripherals, no 1-handed holds with the other hand behind the back and shoulder lean, alright, fuck the shoulder lean!
- No Stand-up Urinating At A Tiolet – Now why the hell would a straight guy use a toilet to piss in instead of a urinal? The only thing I can think of is they could have a herpe outbreak, small peeper or enjoy the satisfaction of hearing running water. Whatever the reason is it does not overwrite the wrongness of pee splatter all over a toilet when someone needs to hit it for a 2, keep it real and have a seat!
- No Smacking – That’s right no smacking of any kind, that goes for no smacking me, others and yourself. If you see me at the urinal please refrain from smacking my shoulder to congratulate me on the presentation I just gave, it could cause me to lock up mid-stream and heaven forbid I get a urinary tract infection. Also there is never a need to smack yourself, so let’s keep our public washrooms smack free! A shake or 2 works just fine.
Did I miss any?
www.thebitterblog.com - Joey doesn’t smack that, not in a public bathroom anyways -
Tags: BathroomHumor Washroom Smack Joey
Comments
Oh this is B/S, who cares if you can see my penis or if I get a glimpse of yours. They look the same anyways... I find it disturbing when someone taking a shit starts talking to me from the inside of the stall and I can hear their farts along with their conversation. Now that's fucking gross. But a penis? whatever... it's not some secret jewel that is sacred. It's just a fucking penis.
Posted by: Adonis | November 18, 2006 11:40 PM
Damn Adonis, who cares? I care and so does society or else we wouldn't be wearing pants.
You ever think of why we wear shorts in the summer Adonis? It isn't because it is cooler than being naked, it is to cover up our penisis's.
For the most part Adonis you are correct most penisis's are the same, some are bigger, some are smaller and mine is the biggest but just because that is true does not mean that I want to see it.
But you know what maybe it is my fault for having such killer peripherals that I have worked on in the club that I pick up all these penisis's or maybe it is because of people like you Adonis who like to face towards me while urinating. Just because I am beside you in the urinals does not mean that you need to face me, keep that in mind.
Thanks,
Joey.
www.thebitterblog.com.
Posted by: Joey | November 26, 2006 05:41 AM
Joey,
Yes, no talking while you're peeing and don't be hanging that thing out standing a foot and a half back from the urinal. Gay guys love to chat you up at the urinals and try and catch a peek...jeez...if I'm not looking you don't either dude.
Talking while you're evacuating is like talking in the elevator, it's unnatural conversation that goes nowhere. At least wait until you're both washing your hands not holding your willie smelling those two cups of black joe you drank on an empty stomach in the a.m.
Keep up the good work...
Posted by: Eric | January 13, 2007 04:24 PM