The Bitter Blog: June 2006 Archives

It is that time again, that time of year when every idiot starts to care about soccer. I love soccer, I think it is the best sport in the world, but what I hate is when people start to jump on the bandwagon & cheer for teams that they know nothing about or little about.

I do not cheer for America in the World Cup, why? Because America does not care about soccer so I do not care about America’s soccer team. My team is Brasil & it has been this way since I was a kid in elementary school, I remember because I picked the team based on the colors of the flag and sticked with them ever since. Unlike all the other bandwagon jumpers in the states that cheer for Brasil, I do not cheer for them because they have great chances of winning, I cheer for them because in many ways I am Brasilian:

Oi – Tudo Bem: I know more Portuguese than 98% of all Americans.

Above Argentina: I can locate Brasil on a map quicker than most Americans can say Idaho.

6: Is the number of Brasilian women that I have been intimate with, why else would I have learned all that Portuguese.

Drug Gangs: Are cool, I want one.

Green & Yellow: Is a lovely combination.

In conclusion – all you hick bandwagon jumpers that cheer for Brasil because you think it’s cool but do not know what “obrigado” or “Foda” means, then stick to your boring baseball and football, and let the people that are actually soccer fans year round & not just every 4-years enjoy the best sport in the World without all your bandwagonness.

www.thebitterblog.com - 1/3 Brasilian – 2/3 Bitter -

Tags: Brasil Humor World Cup Soccer Football

Tags: Brasil Humor World Cup Soccer Football

Posted by Bitter Guy at 09:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

I do not have any tattoos, nor do I plan on getting a tattoo. I do not have any tattoo's because not only am I too ridiculously good looking for a tattoo but I am also too ridiculously smart for a tattoo.

I do not understand how people can think getting a tattoo is a good idea, I compare getting a tattoo to buying one piece of clothing that you have to wear for the rest of your life, Black High Top Reebok Pumps & brown HyperColor Tee's were a great fashion statement in the 80's but I would not command much respect in the streets with that outfit now, I wonder if buddy from High School that got that Nike Swoosh tatt still thinks that was a good decision?

Here are some examples of Tatt's are bad decisions:

The Lower Back Tattoo: if you have not figured out that the Lower Back Tattoo is a stupid decision, then give yourself another 30 years, by that time you will be seeing a bunch of 60 year old ladies with Lower Back Tatt's. Let's try a little exercise, imagine your Grandma, now imagine Grandma with a Tatt on her lower back that you would catch glimpses of when she reached into the top cupboard to get you a cookie, now if you are anything like me, your opinion of Grandma maybe slightly skewed by the lower back tatt, especially if it says "Faster" or "Juicy".

Conclusion - the lower back tattoo on women is a bad decision and Joey is smarter than you.
The Favorite Band Tattoo: now what is it with people getting tattoo's of their favorite band? Don't they realize that given enough drugs, bands are bound to peak and then fade out, but no matter how hard you scrub or how much drugs you take you will not be able to get that giant Metallica Tattoo off your back.
Conclusion - getting a tattoo of any band is a bad decision, especially if it is a tattoo of Metallica & occupies all of your back, and oh yeah Joey is smarter than you.
The "Hey I Turned 13 So I Am Going To Get A Tattoo" Tattoo: if someone isn't old enough to drive & isn't old enough to be legal, then they should not be getting tattoos.

Conclusion - the "Hey I Turned 13 So I Am Going To Get A Tattoo" Tattoo is a bad decision and Joey is smarter than you.
The Upper Back Tattoo: what good is the upper back tattoo? It is hidden all the time, what purpose does it serve? Well I guess it is not hidden all the time as buddy below proves in his best formal wear.

Conclusion - the upper back tattoo is a bad decision and when combined with a leather corset, it is a terrible decision, and oh yeah Joey is way smarter than you.
The "I Am Going To Get A Tattoo Because I Am Fat" Tattoo: out of all the tattoo's I have discussed this is the smartest. As buddy below shows, when you are fat, you can fit a lot more Tatt's on your back.

Conclusion - the "I Am Going To Get A Tattoo Because I Am Fat" tattoo is the smartest of the dumb decisions one can make when getting a tattoo and Joey is not fat, he is ridiculously good looking.