What Women Really Want, Explained By A PIMP

I am always amused when I hear guys talking about how hard it is to get laid, how all the easy women are nasty and how all hot girls are lesbians or just don’t put out, because for me, women have always been easy. Every woman that I have ever met, excluding family of course, have either wanted to ride the JoeyCoaster, have had thoughts about riding the JoeyCoaster or have taken a pleasurable ride on the JoeyCoaster.

To me all women are easy, because I know what they want. I am a PIMP by blood and you can be too, if you can master the 5 things that I have outlined below.

  1. BE DANGEROUS – women love danger. So be dangerous and beat your girls routinely. Every PIMP has their own preference for when they beat women but what I like to do is not be too rough but rough enough to let them know they are in danger and to invoke fear. For example, I routinely throw my women out of moving vehicles, to show them how dangerous I am and that I just don’t give a f@@k. I have thrown JenJen out of my car 3-times now and she is lovin’ it!
  2. BE DESIRABLE – women love it when men are wanted by other women. The only way to show that you are wanted by other women, is to have sex with other women, the more women the better. If you are caught cheating on the woman that you are “with”, first deny it, then admit to it and then make up an excuse about it not being your fault and how the other women took advantage of you. Once she has taken you back, the sex will be 10x better because she will realize that she has got to work 10x harder to keep you in her bed and out of the other woman’s bed. JenJen has caught me cheating on her 5-times, this means the sex is 50x better now, than it was when I first started dating her, and I am lovin’ it!
  3. BE A FIRE HOSE IN BED – treat your penis like a fire hose and the woman’s vagina like a fire, a real big fire that needs lots of water. Get it into your head, that if you do not put the fire out, then your penis will be burnt up and no longer of any use. Now if using this technique correctly, treating ever time you have sex as a life or death situation, then you should see a massive increase in your stamina and in turn bring pleasure to women like they have never experienced before. After great sex, all women will tell their friends, in turn causing her friends to seek some hydration from your fire hose. Joey is the biggest, baddest firetruck around and I am lovin’ it and so are the ladies!
  4. BE A DADDY – women love men that have kids. Something about seeing a man walking around with his child drives women crazy. I think it has to do with fertility or some shiat, but you know what, I don’t care, all I know is that it works. For example, take a look at K Fed, he had 2-kids from his previous girl and now he has got one with Britney Spears, now that man is a true PIMP that is playing by my rules. The great part about this is that it doesn’t even need to be your kid, it can be your nephew or niece, this is what I have done in the past, before I got JenJen pregnant and I was lovin’ it!
  5. BE A JERK – women love men that are jerks. So be a jerk, be a really great one: never hold the door for her, rarely compliment her, rarely tell her that you love her and never ever call her back until she has called you at least 3-times. If you do accidentally compliment her, don’t panic; take it back by picking at one of her flaws until she cries. That’s how I play it out and I am lovin’ it!

    So there you have them, the 5 things that every playa needs to master before becoming a PIMP. So how about it ladies, do you agree? Holla at cha boy Joey.

    thebitterblog.com - Been Big PIMPIN since 1979 -

    Tags: What Women Want Girlfriend Love Women


Excellent advice.
It's a shame that in today’s society, people have to be told to keep up the spousal abuse, so lets just thank the lord people like me and you are here.
Without tips like that, women would be walking around thinking they have rights and sh*t. Let’s just pray it never happens.

I too have some partner advice. But I won't shamelessly plug my blog. Because I'm awesome like that.


Damn, you a PIMP son... big willy style.

Keep it crackin' and i gonna be a daddy.

From one pimp to an other, you got them down partner...

Keep on pimpin'...

are you serious?

LMAO.. love the fire hose one!
You're right about the desirable one.. some woman are that insecure!

Keep me laughing :o)


I think it is a good list but you need to combine being a jerk with being dangerous. This is simply because I think being smooth deserves to be number 5. Being a pimp you know that situation arise that require instant attention and you need to have that smooth flavor of being able to talk your way out of a situation and turn it into your benifit. Like you said your woman catches you cheating you need to be able to turn it around and turn into a threesome or at minimum turn it around to make it look like its her fault. Since this is automatic nature for you I think you forgot about it and didn't put it in the top five. It really does deserve to be there though.

I have slept with hundreds of prostitutes & escorts over the year, but I still can't find miss right, what am i doing wrong joey?

That's some funny shit, dude.

I use #1 all the time and tried out #3 last nite for the first time after reading the post. It worked like a charm.

Thats stupid, no chick wants a daddy... The only reason K-Fed got Britney was because he is super cool.

I know a lot of people beat up on K-Fed but it is undeserving, he is actually a great dancer and a pretty good singer.

He has mad rhymes.

this one is for the "k-fed" lovers out there

the only dance that "k-fed" could do without trippin is the boot scoot and boogy. he's a trailer daddy and trailer daddies don't dance. so "anonymous" eat shit

Interesting advice, but if JenJen caught you cheating 5 times the sex should be 100 000 times better now.

Gay like you. Hahahahahahaha

dude above me, what are you trying to say???

my last girl friend was in a wheelchair and our favorite sexual position was the 69. we called it the MEALS ON WHEELS

omg freddie is going to hell! LOL

Leave your comments for Bitter Guy

(If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved by the site owner before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.)

©2006 www.thebitterblog.com. All rights reserved.

BlogsHumor Blog Top Sites