Sesame Street, we all watched it and we all loved it. Unless of course you were that family that was too poor to have cable or a TV, then you probably didn’t watch it, but I am sure you heard all the other kids talking about that crazy Big Yellow Bird with an imaginary Elephant friend or about the magical land where people don’t get pissed when you sleep in their garbage cans.

Anyways, I started watching Sesame Street when I was 3 and watched my last complete episode when I was 14. By the age of 19, after 5 years of no Sesame Street, I started to realize that Sesame Street was screwing with me during my 11 long years of dedication to the show. In fact they were screwing with all of us, take the following into consideration:

• Bert and Ernie, have you ever taken a close look at them? I mean really look at them? Take a quick look below and let’s compare notes.
  
  See anything wrong? Well I do, I see lot’s… I see a yellow dude and an orange dude with bowl haircuts, one with a unibrow and the other without any eyebrows, both have football shaped heads one ready to be punted the other laying flat, neither have teeth or lips, both have noses that are different colors from their skin and both wear stripped shirts on TV which is of course a faux pas. What kind of a message are we sending our children by not letting them watch Debbie Does Dallas but allowing them to watch hairless, toothless and lipless puppets act out and playing with rubber duckies? The closest thing to Bert n’ Ernie that I will be letting my kids watch is Kobe n’ Shaq.
  
  
• The Cookie Monster and Grimace are the same thing. I was floored when I discovered this. Take a close look, Grimace aka The Cookie Monster, is fatter when working for McDonalds which is understandable, you cannot trust a Cookie Monster around all those Burgers n’ Fries, he will just get fat. And why does Grimace / Cookie Monster not have any shoulders? Whoever designed Grimace / Cookie Monster is a sick dude and should have given him shoulders, no wonder he never wears shirts, he can’t, he has no shoulders to hold them up.
  
  
• There was never any attractive women on Sesame Street, all I got was Mr Hooper and his candy store, well that is until 2004, when Natalie Portman posed half-naked in a variety of different costumes and poses for an episode.
  
  I tell you I would let Natalie be my Princess or Elephant over Mr Hooper’s candy any day of the week.
  
  
• Check out the picture below.
  
  Have you ever noticed that the majority of characters are blue in Sesame Street? And that they are either naked or just have a shirt on? I don’t know much, but I know that I cannot tolerate any show that is bias towards blue people and allows cast to walk around naked or without pants.
  
• Why did they only teach letters and numbers on Sesame Street? By 13, I had already memorized the alphabet and could count up to one hundred and ten, I was ready to start learning full words and basic sentences. While other kids were speaking sentences I was spitting A’s n’ B’s, because that was all I knew and I got beaten for it, knowing the word “stop” would have come in handy when the other kids were laying the Charlie horses on me.