Today I realized that I interact with a lot of racists. I work with racists, I socialize with racists, I rock climb with racists, I have had sex with racists, burned crosses with racists and have even had ice cream with racists.

A lot of times it is not obvious who is racist and who isn’t racist, so I have created a litmus test to weed out the racists from the non-racists.

1. People that say they are not racist, are racist. A non-racist does not talk about race, does not think about race and most of all will never have the need to say, they are not racist. If you meet someone who begins a sentence with, “I am not a racist but…”, then run for the hills because you are talking with a Mexican beater.
   
2. People that drive slow in the fast lane are racist. People that drive slow in the fast lane do it to piss off people of the opposite race. Have you ever noticed that when you pull up behind someone of the same race driving slow in the fast lane they pull over into the slow lane right away? But when you pull up behind someone of a different race they stay in the fast lane. Well it happens to me everyday; I continue to be amazed by how many racist Asians drive grey Honda civics.
   
3. People that did not grow up watching Sesame Street are racist. Sesame Street is a great show, it teaches diversity and a culture where it does not matter if you are orange or yellow, or if your shirts have vertical or horizontal strips, you can still be the bestest of friends.
   
   
4. People that have ever used the word Muslim, Iraqi, Al Qaedi or Iranian are racist. Racists love to use the word Muslim, it is in fact their favorite word. They will use it in every sentence possible and confuse it for other words. For example, racists have been known to say “I am going to the Muslim”, when they are meaning to say Museum.
   
5. People that bike to work are racist. If someone is biking to work, they are making a statement, they are saying that they are better than you and that they would rather ride their bicycle on the sidewalk than share the road or a bus with you. So next time you cut off a cyclist, no need to feel bad because they are racist.
   
6. People that smoke in public places are racist. Racists want to kill other races, but racists are also scared of prison, so instead of killing other races with a bullets, they do it with secondhand smoke. Makes you think, there sure are an awful lot of white people that smoke.