I have been stalking women now for about 10 years and have been lovin’ every minute of it! I have stalked all kinds: tall ones, short ones, fat ones, and skinny ones.

My friends have a saying about me “if you know 10 girls there is a good chance that, Joey (me), has stalked one” and you know what, they are probably right, I stopped counting after I reached 100.

With well over 100 stalks under my belt, I consider myself to be a successful senior stalker. For all the junior stalkers starting out, here are some of the rules that I follow, to ensure successful stalks.

1. Never stalk women you love. The thrill of the stalk, is not worth the pain you feel, after discovering that the stalkette is boning someone else. There are plenty of women out there, find one you don’t love to stalk, that’s what I do and I’m lovin’ it!
   
2. Never stalk women with big boyfriends. The joy of the stalk quickly disappears when you have a 6’9” 250Ib boyfriend chasing you down. Find women with small boyfriends or none at all, that’s what I do and I’m lovin’ it!
   
3. Never stalk women that are stalkers themselves. A stalker cannot out stalk a stalker, so play it safe and stick with the non-stalkers, that’s what I do and I’m lovin’ it!
   
4. Never admit to a woman that you have stalked her. I made this mistake once and ended up with a fork in my thigh. Since the fork incident, I keep my stalks to myself and I’m lovin’ it!
   
5. Never stalk women that own guns. Stay away from girls with guns, bullets are a lot harder to out run than mace, this is what I do and I’m lovin’ it!