Now I am sure there are some ugly guys out there, but Jay-z has got be one of the ugliest mothas around.

In tribute to Jay-z’s ugliness here is the “Jay-z Ugly Posse”.

1. Born and raised out of the badlands of Utah, Brian-z, aka sir Gay-z, worked hard to beat himself with the ugly stick, making this first spot in the Jay-z ugly posse.
   
   
2. Next Ted-z, who is scared of the dark, loves the outdoors, hates getting his picture taken and loves late night walks, he fills the second spot in Jay-z’s posse very nicely.
   
   
3. Third we have Jessica-z, this dumb-ass hoodrat used to date Jay-z, before deciding that she was too pretty to be rollin with an ugly thug like Jay-z.
   
   
4. Next we have one of Jay-z’s closest homie, Sloth-z, this bad ass sloth loves crackers and Big Pimpin’.
   
   
5. Then we got Jay-z’s best friend, his only dogg, dogg-z, good doggy – good doggy.
   
   
6. Last but not least, the ring-leader of this ugly show, Jay-z, who is most notably known for dating Beyonce.
   
   

There you have it, the Jay-z Ugly Posse, this is one posse that Joey-z is happy to be left out of.

thebitterblog.com - Just Happy To Not Have A Jay-z Face -

Tags: Jay-z Ugly Posse Jay-z Posse Dogg Utah Humor Blog

Tags: Jay-z Ugly Posse Jay-z Posse Dogg Utah Humor Blog

Posted by Bitter Guy at 05:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (20)

I have been stalking women now for about 10 years and have been lovin’ every minute of it! I have stalked all kinds: tall ones, short ones, fat ones, and skinny ones.

My friends have a saying about me “if you know 10 girls there is a good chance that, Joey (me), has stalked one” and you know what, they are probably right, I stopped counting after I reached 100.

With well over 100 stalks under my belt, I consider myself to be a successful senior stalker. For all the junior stalkers starting out, here are some of the rules that I follow, to ensure successful stalks.

1. Never stalk women you love. The thrill of the stalk, is not worth the pain you feel, after discovering that the stalkette is boning someone else. There are plenty of women out there, find one you don’t love to stalk, that’s what I do and I’m lovin’ it!
   
2. Never stalk women with big boyfriends. The joy of the stalk quickly disappears when you have a 6’9” 250Ib boyfriend chasing you down. Find women with small boyfriends or none at all, that’s what I do and I’m lovin’ it!
   
3. Never stalk women that are stalkers themselves. A stalker cannot out stalk a stalker, so play it safe and stick with the non-stalkers, that’s what I do and I’m lovin’ it!
   
4. Never admit to a woman that you have stalked her. I made this mistake once and ended up with a fork in my thigh. Since the fork incident, I keep my stalks to myself and I’m lovin’ it!
   
5. Never stalk women that own guns. Stay away from girls with guns, bullets are a lot harder to out run than mace, this is what I do and I’m lovin’ it!

So there you have it, with a little hard work, some dedication and my 5 rules above, even the most junior stalker should be able to reach senior status in no time.

thebitterblog.com - Been Stalkin’ For Years -

Tags: Stalk Stalker Mace Love Boyfriends Guns Humor Blog

Tags: Stalk Stalker Mace Love Boyfriends Guns Humor Blog

Posted by Bitter Guy at 06:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Bow Wow may not be aware of this, but since he has dropped the Lil’ from his name, he has taken one step closer to going head to head against the infamous Bow Wow Wow, a popular band from the 80’s. Bow Wow Wow has had such hits as “I Want Candy” and “I Want Candy The Remix”.

Off the top of my head I could not decide who is better, Bow Wow or Bow Wow Wow, so I made this list to help decide.

1. Bow Wow Wow has an extra Wow in their name, therefore out WOWING Bow Wow – Point Bow Wow Wow.
   
2. Bow Wow Wow has released albums titled “I Want Candy” and “Girl Bites Dog”. Bow Wow has released albums titled “Unleashed” and “Doggy Bag”. I like candy and would rather see a girl bite a dog than see Bow Wow unleashed or Bow Wow’s “doggy bag” – Point Bow Wow Wow.
   
3. Almost all Bow Wow Wow album covers feature a naked female, were as all Bow Wow album covers feature Bow Wow failing to look hard. I would take any naked female over Bow Wow acting hard any day – Point Bow Wow Wow.
   
   
4. Bow Wow Wow’s average height is 5’10”, Bow Wow is 5’7” by himself and 5’8” averaged with Ciara – Point Bow Wow Wow
   
   
5. Bow Wow Wow has had more creative hairstyles sporting the scalped side cut as opposed to Bow Wow’s played out dreads – Point Bow Wow Wow
   

Although it was close, the clear winner is Bow Wow Wow, taking Bow Wow in a 5-0 shutout. Not only is Bow Wow Wow’s music better, but Bow Wow Wow is just undoubtedly more cooler, so help me spread the word about Bow Wow Wow and get them back on the street and Bow Wow off, because I Want Candy

thebitterblog.com - A Strong Supporter of Bow Wow Wow -

Tags: Album Bow Wow Songs Bow Wow Wow Ciara I Want Candy Dog Music Remix Humor Blog

Tags: Album Bow Wow Songs Bow Wow Wow Ciara I Want Candy Dog Music Remix Humor Blog

Posted by Bitter Guy at 04:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (19)

I have been bothered by the following for quite sometime, I have no idea why a bladder is called a bladder.

Why is a bladder called a bladder, there are so many better words that could be used to describe it. For example, what is wrong with pee bag or liquid trap or even fluid sack.

I am not a medical scientist or medical professional, but it dawned on me when my last girlfriend had to empty her fluid trap for the 13th time on a road trip last summer, that whoever discovered the bladder was a complete moron, I can only presume that he named the bladder after himself, why else would it have such a stupid name.

I do apologize to Doctor Bladder in advance but from this day on I will now refer to the bladder as the fluid sack, now who’s with me?

thebitterblog.com - Not Your Everyday Blog -

Tags: Bladder Doctor Medical Bladder Professional Humor Blog

Tags: Bladder Doctor Medical Bladder Professional Humor Blog
thebitterblog.com - Not Your Everyday Blog -

Posted by Bitter Guy at 05:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Today at work, while on a conference call with clients in Venezuela, I came to the realization that I must be a Young Hispanic Male trapped inside a Skinny White Boys body.

I know what you are all thinking, “Joey you are a good-looking white boy, you are truly blessed, do you know how many Hispanic males would kill to be in your situation?”, trust me I realize how blessed I am but can no longer ignore my inner Latin vibes.
Here Are The Facts:

• Fact, Latin women are extremely attracted to me.
  Proof, Latin women outnumber white women on my Messenger, Orkut and Hi5 accounts 7:1.
  
• Fact, I am continually being drawn back to my motherland.
  Proof, I have been on 3 out of country trips in my lifetime all taking me back to my roots in Spain, Mexico and Argentina.
  
• Fact, I love big butts; Latin women have bigger butts than white women.
  Proof, my big butt porn dvds outnumber my big breast dvds 10:1.
  
• Fact, 53% of the women I have slept with have been of Latin descent.
  Proof, I record all the women I sleep with.
  
• Fact, I speak more Spanish than any white guy I know.
  Proof, I once got a Chica naked by only speaking Spanish.
  
• Fact, my favorite dictator is Fidel Castro.
  Proof, I have his poster on my wall.
  
• Fact, I love Spanish Soaps.
  Proof, I never miss an episode of “Latin Lover”
  Latin Lover
  

At the end of the day, I have to deal with being a Latin Man stuck in a White Boys body, but then again things could be worse, I could be an Asian stuck in a Persian, damn that would suck.

thebitterblog.com - Livin’ As A White Boy One Day At A Time -

Tags: White Boy Latin Fidel Castro Spanish Messenger HI5 Orkut Hispanic Humor Blog

Tags: White Boy Latin Fidel Castro Spanish Messenger HI5 Orkut Hispanic Humor Blog

Posted by Bitter Guy at 05:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Today I realized that I interact with a lot of racists. I work with racists, I socialize with racists, I rock climb with racists, I have had sex with racists, burned crosses with racists and have even had ice cream with racists.

A lot of times it is not obvious who is racist and who isn’t racist, so I have created a litmus test to weed out the racists from the non-racists.

1. People that say they are not racist, are racist. A non-racist does not talk about race, does not think about race and most of all will never have the need to say, they are not racist. If you meet someone who begins a sentence with, “I am not a racist but…”, then run for the hills because you are talking with a Mexican beater.
   
2. People that drive slow in the fast lane are racist. People that drive slow in the fast lane do it to piss off people of the opposite race. Have you ever noticed that when you pull up behind someone of the same race driving slow in the fast lane they pull over into the slow lane right away? But when you pull up behind someone of a different race they stay in the fast lane. Well it happens to me everyday; I continue to be amazed by how many racist Asians drive grey Honda civics.
   
3. People that did not grow up watching Sesame Street are racist. Sesame Street is a great show, it teaches diversity and a culture where it does not matter if you are orange or yellow, or if your shirts have vertical or horizontal strips, you can still be the bestest of friends.
   
   
4. People that have ever used the word Muslim, Iraqi, Al Qaedi or Iranian are racist. Racists love to use the word Muslim, it is in fact their favorite word. They will use it in every sentence possible and confuse it for other words. For example, racists have been known to say “I am going to the Muslim”, when they are meaning to say Museum.
   
5. People that bike to work are racist. If someone is biking to work, they are making a statement, they are saying that they are better than you and that they would rather ride their bicycle on the sidewalk than share the road or a bus with you. So next time you cut off a cyclist, no need to feel bad because they are racist.
   
6. People that smoke in public places are racist. Racists want to kill other races, but racists are also scared of prison, so instead of killing other races with a bullets, they do it with secondhand smoke. Makes you think, there sure are an awful lot of white people that smoke.
   

Well there you have it, I am not a racist but wanted to create awareness to help make this world a better place. Hope you found the info useful.

thebitterblog.com - A Friend To The Muslim Community & A None Smoker For 15 Years -

Tags: Racism Racist Iraq Honda Smoke Bicycle Humor Blog

Posted by Bitter Guy at 03:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)

Before JenJen got pregnant, she was an alcoholic; before JenJen was an alcoholic, she was 13. When I started dating JenJen, she was 18 and I was 25, I slowly noticed that she had a problem. Here are the early warning signs that little JenJen had drinking problems:

1. Little JenJen would start her days off with 2 or 3 Chi Chi’s, 1 just was not enough.
   
2. Little JenJen’s movie nights consisted of drinking a 26 of Vodka followed by in cohesiveness and then closely followed by all the reasons why I am not man enough to be a man.
   
3. Little JenJen would sneak OJ into her Vodka with breakfast, lunch and dinner.
   
4. Little JenJen’s greatest accomplishment was drinking half a 26 of Vodka in under 30 minutes, that a girl JenJen your parents must be proud.
   
5. Little JenJen thought it was “neat” and “funny” that she could not remember events from the previous night of drinking.
   
6. Little JenJen’s favorite animal is the Grey Goose because it is named after here favorite alcohol, followed closely by the animal named after her favorite mix, the Red Bull.
   

Love you JenJen, hope you do not find this site, because I do not want you to get into another one of your drunkin’ rages. –Joey

thebitterblog.com -The Bitterest Blog On The Net, So Bitter That It Hates Being Called A Blog-

Tags: Alcoholic Vodka Red Bull Grey Goose Girlfriend Humor Blog

Tags: Alcoholic Vodka Red Bull Grey Goose Girlfriend Humor Blog

Posted by Bitter Guy at 04:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Over the past couple of month’s intimacy with my girlfriend Jenny, has become quite mundane. It started off like, ka-pow, but has turned into blah. Even the fact that she is 7 years younger no longer makes me want her.

Last week I had decided it was over, but before I hit her with the breakup sh@t, she hit me with the “Joey, I am pregnant” sh@t.
At first, I was like whatever go get it taken care of JenJen, JenJen is my little pet name for her, but noooo she is too good for an abortion, and then some bullsh@t about her parents being religious and that we should get married. Now if you know anything about me, you know that I am not ready to be a father, I mean come on I write about guys that I would get with, not to mention my ongoing debt. I am 26 but have the maturity level of an 18 year old, with loans coming out of my a@@, how am I going to be a daddy? So it got me thinking, there has got to be a book out there about this becoming a daddy thing, and guess what there bloody well is, “Becoming A Dad: A Spiritual, Emotional And Practical Guide”.

Now this book costs 10$ at amazon.com but unfortunately I got no funds to buy it and do not want to take out anymore loans or line of credit. So I started to think of how I was going to raise money for my new baby, first thought was to go panhandle on the street but second thought was to panhandle on this site, so that is what I am doing, thebitterblog is panhandling. If you haven’t noticed, I have made it easy to donate to my cause on paypal, and have started panhandling, but like any good panhandler I offer a service, and that service is that I will write articles that entertain. That’s right; I am going to be stepping up my game, to write bigger, badder and funnier, as if my own baby’s future depended on it, because it kind of does. I will update the running total as I get closer to my goal of 10$, let's keep Joey out of the military and get him changing some baby diapers.

thebitterblog.com -The Bitterest Blog On The Net-

Tags: Daddy Debt Baby Student Pregnant Girlfriend Humor Blog Father Diapers

Tags: Daddy Baby Student Pregnant Girlfriend Humor Blog Father Diapers

Posted by Bitter Guy at 07:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

If I was put in a situation where I was forced to lose my man-to-man virginity, for example, the only way I could save someone that I loved was to have sex with another man, then these are the men that I would want to have sex with.

1. David Hasselhoff, not the Baywatch David but the Knight Rider David, he likes to point in photos, which I think is totally sexy! Right back at cha Hoff, Joey style.
   
   
2. Brian Mcknight, I like his music and would get him to sing while doing me.
   
3. Hannibal from the A-team, pictured below with Mr T, on second thought, I would do both Hannibal and Mr T, yeah that would be totally kick-ass.
   
4. Flint from GI-Joe, I developed an attachment to Flint at a young age, I would play with him alone in my room for hours on end, to some Flint is just a cartoon, but to me he is real and I would totally do him.
   
5. John Stamos, aka Uncle Jesse, come on, who wouldn’t do Uncle Jesse?
   
6. The young Bill Gates, not the old Bill Gates, the young Bill Gates didn’t get much action in his 20’s and therefore would probably take it easier on me.
   
7. Diaz, not Armando Diaz the ruthless Italian General, but Cameron Diaz the nastiest girl in show business, she made this list because to me, having sex with Cameron Diaz would be like having sex with a man.

Honorable mentions that were close to making my list: He-man, Henry Winkler aka. The Fonz and Gary Coleman.

Who would make your list?


thebitterblog.com -The Bitterest Blog On The Net-

Tags: Men Men I Would Have Sex With Hasselhoff Knight Rider GI-Joe A-Team Cameron Diaz Bill Gates Brian Mcknight John Stamos Music Humor Blog

Tags: Men Hasselhoff Knight Rider GI-Joe A-Team Cameron Diaz Bill Gates Brian Mcknight John Stamos Music Humor Blog

Posted by Bitter Guy at 08:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)