For all the straight men out there, when you talk about your significant other to friends, co-workers or family, do you use her name or do you use her title: girlfriend, fiancé or wife?

If you find yourself always using her title instead of her name, then you may have a common social disorder called Acphillisis Studmata.

Now don’t freak out because you are not alone, it is estimated that over 60% of America’s male population is afflicted with this disorder. Thankfully there are several things people with this disorder can do to help overcome it and live a normal life.

1. Remember that having a girlfriend, fiancé or wife is not an accomplishment; it is likely that the only reason she is with you is because she is not attractive enough to find someone else better, so she just settled for you.
   
2. Don’t forget that your girlfriend, fiancé or wife had a name before she met you; learn her name and then use it with the people that are already familiar with your two’s relationship between the sheets.
   
3. Listen to yourself when you talk with your friends; you will quickly realize how gay it sounds constantly referring to Keisha, Laquanda or Shaniqwa as “My Girlfriend this, My Girlfriend that…”
   
4. And last but not least, remember that it was cool to brag about having a girlfriend in elementary but it is just sad to brag about one after the age of 13 and besides nobody really cares about your ugly girlfriend anyways or else they would be fucking her.