Read along with my hardcore gamer voice, if you like:

1. Hardcore gamers travel in packs; HC gamers approach life as they do their games, they enjoy multi-player over single, and therefore when presented with the opportunity to travel in a pack they will do so, traveling in a pack makes them feel like they are playing life multi-player style.
   
   
   
   
2. Hardcore gamers choose clothes for comfort over style; HC gamers wear their 1980’s style Brooks joggers, 5-days a week, all year round or their favorite pair of shorts even in December, fuck, shorts guy you deserve an article all to yourself and will leave you for another day.
   
   
3. Hardcore gamers diet consists of Chinese takeout or other non-vegetable greasy fast food; HC gamers need a fatty, greasy diet in order to give their hair and skin that nice healthy sheen.
   
   
4. Hardcore gamers with full-time jobs do not work, they game; during work hours hardcore gamers are busy planning strategies and alliances for the coming battle that night, while to the outside observer they appear busy at work in reality, they are on gaming chat forums, taunting their opponents or sketching their strategy out on a whiteboard to their fellow co-workers aka hardcore gamers.
   
   
   
   
   
5. Hardcore gamers are a Chiropractors dream; HC gamers have nicely shaped humps, developed over years of gaming, the larger the hump the better the gamer, this is their creed and their loving it.
   
   
   
   
6. Hardcore gamers think they are bad asses, rebelling against the world on to which they were born, proving to each and everyone of us non-gamers that we are just visitors in their gaming world.
   
   
   
   
7. Hardcore gamers are tools; this comment does not require further supporting.
   
   

Tags: Gamer Hardcore Gamer Games How To Identity Hardcore Gamers Humor Blog

Posted by Bitter Guy at 09:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

1. Look for a girl with skinny arms; if you find a girl that has a skinny body but her arms are a little thick, you can be certain that her body will catch up with her arms. In fact, this rule can be applied to every body part including legs, fingers and neck. The only body parts that take exception to this rule, are the ass and breasts, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a skinny girl having a fat ass or fat breasts, I repeat, there is nothing wrong with a skinny girl having a fat ass or fat breasts.
   
   
2. This ones obvious but needs to be stated, check out the dimensions of the girls mother; if the mom was skinny 20 years ago and fat now, then you got yourself a skinny girl that is going to end up fat, it is in her genes there is nothing you can do about it but walk away.
   
   
3. Find a girlfriend that is a heroin addict; heroin addicts have no problem staying skinny just ask Boy George. Below are two pictures of George: one taken during his peak in heroin usage and the other taken some years later.
   
   
   
   From the pictures, it is easy to see the benefits of heroin, not only is Boy George far more attractive and skinny during his peak in heroin usage but heroin appears to have also given his lips a deep, luscious red tone which will be a plus for your skinny girl.
   
   
4. Talk to your skinny girl about the Kirsty Alley situation; if the girl sides with Kirsty and thinks it is ok for a women to put on some weight after giving birth, then your skinny girl does not have mindset needed to stay skinny, and whatever mission you are on should be aborted as soon as possible before you get in too deep.
   

Tags: Skinny Girl Fat Ass Boy George Humor Kirsty Alley Heroin Tupac Skinny Girl Stay Skinny

Posted by Bitter Guy at 07:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (40)

For all the straight men out there, when you talk about your significant other to friends, co-workers or family, do you use her name or do you use her title: girlfriend, fiancé or wife?

If you find yourself always using her title instead of her name, then you may have a common social disorder called Acphillisis Studmata.

Now don’t freak out because you are not alone, it is estimated that over 60% of America’s male population is afflicted with this disorder. Thankfully there are several things people with this disorder can do to help overcome it and live a normal life.

1. Remember that having a girlfriend, fiancé or wife is not an accomplishment; it is likely that the only reason she is with you is because she is not attractive enough to find someone else better, so she just settled for you.
   
2. Don’t forget that your girlfriend, fiancé or wife had a name before she met you; learn her name and then use it with the people that are already familiar with your two’s relationship between the sheets.
   
3. Listen to yourself when you talk with your friends; you will quickly realize how gay it sounds constantly referring to Keisha, Laquanda or Shaniqwa as “My Girlfriend this, My Girlfriend that…”
   
4. And last but not least, remember that it was cool to brag about having a girlfriend in elementary but it is just sad to brag about one after the age of 13 and besides nobody really cares about your ugly girlfriend anyways or else they would be fucking her.
   

Posted by Bitter Guy at 06:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Throughout my entire life I have tried to be a little more thug, a little more gangsta, a little more 2Pac.

Tags: Gangsta Grillz Paul Wall Humor Grills 2Pac Tupac Bling Rap Music

Posted by Bitter Guy at 12:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)

Many people are curious to know more about me, so I have listed six facts about myself, Joey, and then a couple of pictures.

1. Joey is beautiful; Joey once caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror and thought he was looking at a Brad Pitt.
   
2. Joey hates white people; all white people smell like chicken except for Joey.
   
3. Joey has never had a pimple; Joey laughs at people with pimples.
   
4. Joey is very strong; Joey once benched 280Ibs eight and a half times.
   
5. Joey is very smart; Joey once finished a game of BINGO without a BINGO dabber.
   
6. And finally, Joey just knows better than you, that’s why he’s got this site.
   

This is early 20's Joey just being crazy everyday Joey:

This is another ealry 20's Joey just relaxing and sporting proper sunglass etiquette:

Joey is even on myspace:

myspace.com/playahata101
blog.myspace.com/playahata101

What do you think about Joey?


thebitterblog.com -Joey Knows Better Than You-

Tags: Humor Joey

Posted by Bitter Guy at 04:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (16)

First off, what the fuck are these guys doing performing live at the super bowl, let alone still living. Shouldn't they be dead by now? Or at least close to death? I mean come on it is 2006, these grandpas released their first album in 1964, that’s over 42 years ago for all you math deficient people.

Watching these old timers on stage was painful. Wasn’t anyone else worried that Mick was going to break a hip convulsing like he was? I had personally never watched Mick perform and thought that he was having a seizure on stage, that is why I kept watching, I was waiting for the paramedics to rush onto the stage.

I think everyone can agree that the censorship has gone too far in protecting the bible states. I mean come on, censoring the word “cocks” out of their 2nd song and then cutting off “Start Me Off” before the lyric “you’d make a dead man cum”.

Fuck, I would rather watch Sesame Street than a bunch of old men hobble around on stage.

Posted by Bitter Guy at 03:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)

Below is some helpful criticism that some of you have so kindly shared:

1. ”What shitty writing”
   
2. ”You are kind of funny but your writing needs improvement”
   
3. ”Are you a retard? Because you write like one”
   

1. I grew up in a town where Totem Poles outnumbered people.
   
2. In my high-school popularity was not attained by being smart, popularity was determined by how many beer cans one could crush with their skull and how hard one could head-butt a sign. I was an all-star sign head-butter, an all-American at the very least that is until I sustained a career ending concussion.
   
3. The only thing I read in high-school and university were the labels on beer to make sure I wasn’t drinking the “Light” version. Who the fuck wants to drink Bud Light?
   
4. My idol is Usher, and Usher cannot read, so I learned not to read. I am currently getting fat and hooking up with my stylist to stay in step with my idol, I love you Usher you the man for real I will follow whatever path you travel.
   
5. My final reason for not writing like an English Major is because I am not an English Major. I went to University to drink, fornicate and commit minor felonies. I did not go to school to become a writer or to re-learn how to read, I mean come on Usher doesn’t read and look how good he can sing.
   

Posted by Bitter Guy at 11:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Every girlfriend I have ever had has been an After School Special.

Girlfriend #2 was a kleptomaniac. She had a tendency to steal shit. She stole my heart, my money and my clothes. I didn’t toss that bitch to the curb until after I caught her stealing my doms which she was using with one of my friends, thanks Rob you were such a good friend.

Girlfriend #4 was clinically depressed. This girl was gorgeous, sexy, and perfect in everyway, except for the fact that she was bi-polar and suicidal. Not to mention super jealous, she threw water on me in a restaurant because I was checking out the waitress. I loved that girl, the only reason we ended was because we moved to different cities or else I could be having bi-polar babies running around the house right now.

Girlfriend #6 had an eating disorder. There were the good days and there were the bad, everyday I was tasked with telling her how beautiful she was. This was fun for like the first week but after that the new couple sex wore off and it just became a lot of work. The only reason I stayed with her as long as I did was because she conquered her disorder with me and I didn’t want her to slip back into it. We called it quits after 2 years and as far as I know she is still eating.

Girlfriend #9 was just fucking crazy. I don’t know where to begin with this rollercoaster. I could tell you about the time that 6 cops busted down the door to my condo because she was tripping on crack, totally freaked out and called the cops, telling them that I was beating her. Girlfriends #6, #3 and #2 even thought she was a crazy bitch.

I loved all my After School Specials, they taught me one important thing, what not to look for in a wifey.


thebitterblog.com -The Bitterest Blog On The Net-

Tags: Girlfriend Humor After School Special Blog Gorgeous Sexy Marriage

Posted by Bitter Guy at 04:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)