My experience with women has led me to believe that they are a lot like cats. They sneak around, leave you when you’re dying, don’t get along with other cats, are attention hungry, are temperamental and enjoy being petted.

Men on the other hand are a lot like dogs. They get along easier with other dogs, on occasion have bones, are loyal, horny and simply put basic creatures.

But just like men, dogs have one downfall; they chase cats / women. I have never actually seen a dog catch a cat which makes me wonder why they even bother. The same goes for men chasing women, if a woman expects to be chased, I say f**k it, cus after all we are not just stupid dogs.

(Disclaimer: I do realize that about 65% of the male population has the IQ of a pit-bull terrier and another 10% enjoys chasing same-sex dogs, this article of course does not apply to them.)

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Posted by Bitter Guy at 09:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (14)

Why is it that the majority of bouncers out there think they are god?

Do they not realize what they do for a living? Do they not realize their status in society?

Someone should enlighten them about their job; let them know that they are no better than a tow truck driver or a garbage man. In fact bouncing is one of the lowest forms of employment right above being homeless and on par with being a homeless gay male prostitute.

Now not all bouncers are asses, there are some good ones out there. The difference between the good & the bad are the clubs they work for. Bouncer’s attitudes are generally better when shootings occur on a regular basis. Something about the shootings makes the bouncer realize their status in society, makes them reasonable and makes them respectful.

Based on the above logic it is reasonable to assume that it would benefit all of society if shootings occurred on a regular basis at all clubs, not just the crappy ones. After all bouncers are the peons of the nightclubs and more shootings would help them realize this.

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Tags: What Is A Bouncers Status in Society

Posted by Bitter Guy at 08:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Back in the day I learned a valuable lesson – “Don’t start getting serious about any girl until you meet the younger sister”.

Why?

Cus it is a well known fact that the younger sister is always hotter than the older one.

The younger sister has several distinct advantages over the older one:

1. The parents made all their mistakes on the older one.
   
2. Younger sister was most likely dropped less as a baby.
   
3. Parents always babied the baby, while the older sister was out on the street hitting the crack pipe.
   
4. And last but not least, younger is always better.
   

I learned this lesson the hard way in my early 20’s when I started to get involved with an older sister before meeting the younger one. It made her family dinners and such very uncomfortable because I found myself wanting too and trying too, hump the younger sister. So I did the only thing that I could have done, dumped the older sister and forgot about the younger one because the switch, is just not worth the risk.

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Tags: The Younger Sister Is Always Hotter Hot Sister

Tags: The Younger Sister Is Always Hotter Hot Sister

Posted by Bitter Guy at 07:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (12)

Out of all the fucking moments that one can choose to learn how to play an instrument, cock-boy decided to give it a shot at 2am on a Wednesday, right outside my apartment.

Out of all the instruments one can choose to learn on, pencil-dick decided he would learn on the trumpet.

And out of all the songs one can choose to play flaccid-penis decided he would learn the A&W theme song.

For 30-minutes I listened to your rendition of the A&W song, congratulations for getting all the notes right after 30 minutes of practicing.

Even better yet, after you left walking up the street learning other melodies you had not yet finished pissing with me.

You see millimeter-peter, my girlfriend lives 4-blocks up the street from me so when you hit her apartment 30 minutes later playing random shrieks on your trumpet, you scared the shit out of her in turn causing me to have to get out of bed, drive to her place & spend the night with her.

Thank you for the memory numb-nuts… come back to my block playing that trumpet & you will be pissing out of it permanently, they will call you trumpet-dick.

Click the fat bear or link below to listen to the trumpet replicated:

Replicated Trumpet

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Posted by Bitter Guy at 05:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

My girlfriend has this male friend that likes to talk trash behind my back. He is gay and pretty sure he’s the catcher.

This guy must have the misconception that being a gay catcher puts him under the rules of etiquette that a woman falls under - that he is safe from a punch to the head.

Wrong.

He is still a man & what he chooses to do with his mini-man is his decision but shouldn’t have any influence on whether or not I should sucka punch him.

I have come to the conclusion that being a gay catcher is not enough to save him from a punch to the head.

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Tags: Straight Man Hit Gay Man PitcherCatcher

Posted by Bitter Guy at 06:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

My friends have always appreciated my words of wisdom and opinions. I have often been told that I am a very insightful person that should share my thoughts with others.

After years of harassment I have taken their advice and set-up this site. On a weekly basis I will update this site with topics that I find amusing and that simply put piss me off.

Think of this site as a weekly column that finally has the balls to speak the truth. Think of it as a great way to start off a Monday morning. Think of it as a place to share opinions but where mine is always heard the loudest and is always right.

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Posted by Bitter Guy at 06:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)